Friday, April 30, 2004
i'm blooooody hungry...again! man! sheesh! hahah i ate 10 sandwiches today1!!! and not to mention soup...man!!! i have to stop eating like this man! later still going to ai yee's place...denn...hmmm going to yvonne's place for dessert...then Sam's place...arggh!!! someone stop meeeee
mood now: HUNGRYYYY 
renzi kissed and swore @
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something i got from someone's blog...
Never Give All The Heart
Never give all the heart, for love
Will hardly seem worth thinking of
To passionate women if it seem
Certain, and they never dream
That it fades out from kiss to kiss;
For everything that's lovely is
But a brief, dreamy. Kind delight.
O never give the heart outright,
For they, for all smooth lips can say,
Have given their hearts up to the play.
And who could play it well enough
If deaf and dumb and blind with love?
He that made this knows all the cost,
For he gave all his heart and lost.
William Butler Yeats
renzi kissed and swore @
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i'm cross... i still have to wait for so longggg 
renzi kissed and swore @
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my aunt is late!!! grrr...could have gotten some work done..bah! i realised i'm running short of time. too much procrastination is not good for your system. SIGH...
anyway i've got Gmail too!!! hehehe my email address is renee.yang@gmail.com i think...alternatively..you can always send emails to either renzi_is_renee@yahoo.com or renzi_is_renee@hotmail.com (add me to msn!!!) hmmm
nothing much to update i guess....except for the fact that it's soooooo cold today...brrrrrr...
hmm time to read someone's new blog yay!!! (it's 5.33pm)
hmmm oh yah..let me write down one of my dreams....yesterday...
i dreamt that kenneth, joe and a bunch of joe's friends were playing the kissing game (only this time, each girl had to sit b/w two guys and vice versa)... .. then this guy kissed a girl, and the girl then turned to kenneth (who happily reached out to kiss the girl).... ....... hmmm..can't remember much after that...hahah my mind's working hard even when i'm sleeping...MAN!
renzi kissed and swore @
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i can barely breatheeeee....hahah jus got back from the library....me going to ai yee's place for dinner soon.
after that i have ...oh shit....ai yee's here already....talk later!!!
anyway this is what i wrote last night...er...morning!!!
"This is Renee… idealistic renee… I always think things have to be a set, airy fairy situation…do I make sense? Hahha… well I just had dinner by myself downstairs. I had the remaining vegetarian spring rolls and yesterday’s leftover veges. Speaking of food, I’ve been eating quite a bit since Kenneth came over. Hahah..was quite surprised when Rodney asked whether I lost weight. Then hours later, gabz said I gained weight. *scratches head*
Well today, I must say, is quite productive on my part. I did quite a bit of research and all I have to do now is to compile and read the materials… argh!
Think when Kenneth comes back I still have to do my work. I feel bad. I think Joe is a much better host I must say. Besides, he stays in the city. More food…hmmm sorry dear…I can’t do much =(
Spoke to Gabz today, and we were talking about LDR. Got me thinking again but I made a decision already. We’ll see how it goes =)
Speaking of gabz…met a couple of the WCF bunch. I kinda miss them, some of them. Well makes me wonder why I always can’t have very close friends. I think I’m afraid of even getting close to some because soon, I have to leave or things/circumstances change and I lose a close friend. It sucks. Some people argue that you’ll not be happy unless you experience love/ friendship, but I dunno why sometimes I prevent myself from getting close to some because maybe it’s a defense mechanism and worse thing of all…sometimes when I get too close, I back off which would inevitably hurt some. Sigh
Do I make sense….i’ve got too much in my head. Sometimes I can’t put to words
Someone did mention or question why nothing’s been done with regards to some actions/words but sometimes it’s just hard to find a good time to talk. You’ve gotta give me more time…
Hmm what did I do today? Went for two graduations. I started to panic (hahah!) because I realize I need to buck up academically. Sheesh…I need to do more work, revise more. Up till now I haven’t done shit yet. So argghhh!!!
I went for Pet’s in the afternoon. Kinda caught up with a few of the WCF peeps, then I went to the library and did some work before dozing off for an hour =p…. Then when I woke up I did some more work before this Indian dude (he sounds like he’s from spore or m’sia…I dun really care) started whispering so loudly to the guy beside him so I tsk-ed at him and he apologized. (Same thing happened during psych today, I told the gals to shut up nicely during lecture today…tsk…some people… if u freaking wanna talk…then go somewhere else to talk)
Went for jasmine’s graduation for a while before I headed back to the library. I spent 2 hours looking for books and hahah I walked home by myself. Scary…it was dark and cold. I called Kenneth and started talking to him…heheh thanks dear~
Let’s see…what else happened… oh talked to Janelle and asked her (since we discussed this topic during sexuality tut today) one question. I shall pose this up as well. What happens if your child is born with an ambiguous gender. What would you do? Would you wait for your child to grow older for him/her to choose his/her gender? OR would you listen to the doctor straight away and let the docs perform surgery on your child? If you do that, would you tell your child that he/she went through surgery? Or would you lie to them and hope that socialization would do the trick?
Consider the ethical repercussions… consider how you would feel as a parent. Consider how you would try to think for your child. Is it for his/her own good, or is it for your own peace of mind?
Dum deed um…hmmm…I hear thunder…first time I hear thunder in Melbourne..hmmm
Anyway time to go bathe…maybe do some surfing before I continue with my research today…. (it’s 10.02pm…)"
renzi kissed and swore @
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*that entry was written at 11.58am
renzi kissed and swore @
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shit! i'm late!!! hahahha well jus wanted to pop in an entry before i fly to school.... well jog to shcool....watever makes me happy...hahaha
hmm today's going to be a long day. I'm going for the women's collective, then i have MUISSexec meeting...then i have to rush to the library to photocopy a chapter. Right after that i've to run home to wait for Ai Yee to pick me up. After dinner i have to rush to Yvonne's place for an evaluation among the execs. Hope everything rums smoothly there.... sigh.... hope it don't turn ugly. I think everyone can take criticisms except for...hmm...oh well.... we shall see today.... and i sure hope it's productive!!!
tomorrow's another killer i think...hahah me need to go to RMIT for SEC (i tink) then rush to chaddy to watch KILL BILL2...waste of my time because i don't like kill bill...oh well....hehe then can see kenneth. after the movie me going out for dinner with a couple of them. so my whole sat's burnt already.
ohh...which reminds me...i've to ask drew whether i can borrow his car for service on sunday...
oops
~~~~ time to go now!~!!!!
renzi kissed and swore @
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Thursday, April 29, 2004
it's about 4 in the morning...and i feel like vomiting...think when i have lack of sleep, i'll feeel that way.
anyway i jus only one reading (but i've gotta start somewhere i guess).... and printed a couiple of journals... i'm not too sure whether doing this topic is okay...sigh...it's 50%!!! hope i do well man... think i'm eatinf my words for sociology...thought it was easy...but guess...it's not first year anymore...GULP
hmmm
wat happened today? went with may to springvale...then budget lucnh then my meeting...was very stressed after that...sighh...
hmm but at least i ended my day by going to the gym. went for some funny x-training class...erm....i can't coordinate...so dun think i'll join that class (unless i've to choose between cycling and that class) hmmm... hahah after exercising, sze min n myself decided to go indulge in a little detoxification (we went into the steam room). we chatted for a bit and went back home. i came back home n found no7, a couple of peeps at home. alvina cooked. not bad...felt bad for not cooking with her but hmm it was a very last minute decision, so ...heheh
===
can't remember what else happened....
oh chatted, managed to chat with danny last ngith (tues night) and it was a rather good chat, enlightening as well. heheh i'm glad...
=)
hmm and reading my most recent entries...hmm hahaha think i was jus being silly. hope it doesn't come back to me soon...if not i'll have to borrow jon and cry again...hahahaha
=)
me jus tired i guess...me need sleeeeppp.... i'll have to wake up soon...like...erm... 8.30? (or wait...there's lecture at 8...hmmmm *looks around* WHAT LECTURE) hahhahahah
okay...time to read more blogs and sleep...zzz
renzi kissed and swore @
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Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Pobaré algo también,bien desde que Kee ha hecho tal cosa. Permita’s ve quién puede hablar español porque yo’M que va a traducir esto al español.
Yo’ll mantiene este sencillo y corto…y lo tomará de mi blog personal:
usted no dolió a la persona que usted adora la mayoría del
¿Cuán verdadero es que en esta edad y en este momento?
Yo realmente dunno..
cuán verdadero es el amor actualmente?
Yo realmente dunno..
¿Me doy yo tantas excusas?
Yo realmente dunno..
haga miro los otros y pienso en las justificaciones por qué yo puedo estar como ellos
quizá...
Haga yo me parezco a un hipócrita?
sí
yo realmente dunno lo que pasa en la cabeza ahora...
sí yo noe yo estoy en mi zona del consuelo pero soy relaly afriad de salir de ello but soy tan utilizado a la vida es su gal. ..i'm de galón tan utilizó a la vida para se adorar...
Pero renee paranoico estúpido toma..
qué el jode
===
era eso un poco de lo que escribí en mi blog personal... puede alguien lo traduce? hahah de todos modos yo soy aburrido. ..people me manda correo electrónico en renzi_is_renee@hotmail.com
renzi kissed and swore @
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hhahha chiang wey jus cut his hair...quite cute...(small boy cute)... but he is a a small boyy....oh well
anyway....have decided to fix an apt with the dean of arts soon. i need to talk to him about hmm mcf..heard he's a lion..hope i don't get eaten up...
*gulp*
hahah anyway in a much better mood today...
met damien in psych lab...he's going to spore!!!!! during june =p
hmmm
anyway i shall ask somene to translate someone's journal which is in malay...hhahaha
anyway going for class soon....then going for psych...
then got meeting.... tonight i shall be doing some research for sociology because i'll be meeting kirsten tomorrow for a session... =)
anyway i've got a couple of anyways...bad bad...
heee... =)
okok...time to go...
(me miss karen....was blasting TWO STEPS BEHIND in drew's computer yesterday....hahahah it's 11.50am)
renzi kissed and swore @
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better to be loved than to love anyway...
that was the exact words of rencong
hmm.... i want to love but i can't... is it a crime?
i noe it's not and someone did mention that he doesn't mind....but i do...
i feel that it's not fair to the person...and 2, in a r/s, shouldn't both be putting in the effort. it seems like i wouldn't be putting in enough....
i wanna love...but i'm scared to love.
i wanna feel love, touch love, see love in me.... (in all sense of the word....both friendships as well as in r/s...) but it's hard...it's scary...
as they say once bitten twice shy...i'm not adventurous in this aspect. neither am i able to break out of the shell.... bad bad...
(it's 1.56am)
renzi kissed and swore @
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Monday, April 26, 2004
ideals...
don't we live in our own ideals sometimes?
we see ourselves working towards something idealistic...but is it worth the effort?
i'm very amazed at some who can work towards the goal and even towards perfection but more often than not, we fall.
do we pick ourselves up? or do we whine and wallow in self-pity? do u?
===
i live in my own idealistic world and sometimes this sucks
i wanna get out of it but i'm jus so accustomed to life like that. maybe that's why i'm not happy all the time because i measure happiness sometimes to what i have imagined in the idealistic manner...
hmm
talking cock again...ramblings... (it's 1.52am)
renzi kissed and swore @
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hmm...
let's see...had my muiss meeting...den we went for dinner at the glen..with chris. stupid drew had to make a bet with chris about grades...so we'll see how they do...anyway the witnesses have a nice meal waitin for them soon...heheh
hmm...
i am talkin to tina now...and well jus told her i missed mama
i really do...
hmm...
oh well...
maybe that's one of the reasons why i dun wanna go back...
maybe that's an excuse?
maybe...
==
did i mention that i got a C+ for my essay...i wanted a bloody D....bahh...
===
break up?
====
many conflicts now... i can see it but i can't say anything...
=====
argh! stressed! but thank god i did some washing of someone's car today...whee
======
to do or not to do?
(it's 1.43am)
renzi kissed and swore @
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well well...skipped classes to go to the library...but i find my self severely distracted so i msg-ed drew and asked him whether i could borrow his car to wash hi scar.... well he's going to pick me up in 5 and i'm going to this place to wash his car... =)
anyway feeling stressed...got assignments due next week and i got my first ppr back...bloody C+....sighh... thought i would get at least a D...oh well...
hmm...so me going off soon...
ohhh...on sunday..went for YUM CHA with kenneth, byron, charms and alvina....then we went to sofitel for nice hot chocolate and cocktails...hehehe
we sent kenneth home and then i went home...wondered to NO7...den...went back...did this a couple of times...then...i sat by myself at home and i started to think (hence the previous entries) couldn't take it so went over to jon's room and cried..hahah...this is the first time properly crying in front of someone this year i think... and i was laughin and crying...man! something's severly wrong with me these few days...hope it's just pms...
anyway paranoid renee shall take her leave now...me need to wash car!!!
(it's 3.50pm)
renzi kissed and swore @
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Sunday, April 25, 2004
hmm..
well well...
blogs....
i've been reading a couple too many blogs lately....too many i guess...
hmm i've got loads to say but everytime i wanna say something, it's hard to put it into words or perspective... i'm really a crazy gal sometimes and i'm quite glad i got my own personal blog.
haha sometimes it doesn't help because i also dunno what i'm thinking sometimes...
1stly...i'm quite glad that kenneth is here... i haven't been thinking much lately which is good. there's a certain degree of thinking that a person needs to go through but mine's unecessary sometimes.
maybe you can say that i'm a quiter..or a person who likes to escape but that's jus me. i can't seem to face reality most of the time. i can't face my troubles or anxieties the way normal people do (then again who's normal these fdew days). people deal with it, wrestle with it...but i can't. since young i've been 'trained' (hahah i feel like some monkey) to accept what's been given to me (no Qs asked) and it has been instilled in me for so damn long to do what i've been told (or bloody do the "right" thing...). as i grew older, i've become like a teenager, and well i started to question why things are done in certain ways or procedures. maybe that's why i've got quite a bit of angst in me. i've been so accustomed to pushing things aside and let Qs and doubts pass by me because i couldn't do so....that's why...i'm in this state whereby i'm really lost.
i'm lost...
i've no thinking of my own... i'm so afraid i'll get engulfed by the real world when i get out to work...
aikz...
hahha...sheesh..even now whatever i write is so haphazard....
how now? shittt..i can't remember what i wanted to write liaozzz...argh~~~
==
i see so many things, i read so many things happening around me that i feel that i should butt in but i dunno whether i should, or i'm the right person to do so.
i see so much angst, animosity, irritation, hopelessness, what have you but ...i can't do much...
some say i should help myself first but maybe i shouldn't....it won't help...i think?
===
hmm paranoia sets in... should i give up or should i not? that's the million dollar question...
i expect ppl to do things n yet i set double stds for myself...wtf....
===
i dunno whether he really likes being with me or whether he's just so accustomed to being with me...
i dunno whether he's putting up an act
i really dunno...u ask me so many qs...but i really dunno the answers... like wat i said....i push things aside nad forget it...
i really dunno....
RENZI is confused... (it's 9.59pm)
hmm..i shall go over and disturb jon...maybe sleep for a while...
renzi kissed and swore @
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Friday, April 23, 2004
stupid danny is in the shower...he refused to let me go first....how i love housemates....
sigh
anywayyy....byron gave me a letter yesterday and after reading it...i teared. hmm well i've got a lot to say about this and i wanted to talk about it...but given the time constraints, i didn't want to stop talkign after starting..so hmmm
i just wanna thank him..will do so later or on sunday when we have a nice meal...
will wanna thank him for the letter...and for his concern.... very few ppl actually can see that soft, concerned side of you and i'm glad i'm one of them!
===
hmmm.... shucks..can't really remember what heppened these few days .... diezzz...
hahah only remember being very tired on wed and thurs...i had to go to jon's place to rest first...
oh yay! dannys out already....will talk soon! (it's 11.47)
renzi kissed and swore @
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hmm yesterday was an eventful day...with kenneth coming over and actually...tat was about it...
anyway i've to go do my duty soon....so yeah....will leave kenneth sleeping..heheh
=)
will update later...
renzi kissed and swore @
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my FIRST, CURRENT and LAST
FIRST
First girl best friend: Meiting
First guy best friend: Eemin
First date: hahah shucks i can't remember... when i was in sec 2 with my ex *shiver*
First break up: in december 1997
First self purchased album: Carpenters
First Funeral: Primary 2-3(?) when my grandfather passed away
First pets: fish is not counted...so....my two hamsters...they ran away after 3 days =p
First piercing/tattoos: in sec2 when i asked my friend to accompany me to pierce my ears
First enemy: i can't remember..no enemies i think..heheh i tend to forget very fast
First play/musical/performance: when i was 4...in kindergarten...hehehe
CURRENT
Current girl best friend: karen
Current guy best friend: hmm...tricky... still eemin...but if i'm talking about in aus, it would be....jon(?)
Current marital status: Single... =)
Current song playing: the deafening silence in my ear
Current thoughts: got lots to do today...bleh!
Current emotions: emotionless..
Current status online: busy (in msn--> add me ppl!!! renzi_is_renee@hotmail.com)
Current fav person: none
Current wonder: i'm wondering what i'm really like
Current instrument played: none??
Current need: jus rest i guess =)
LAST
Last cigarette: in the last OWAB..when i lit a cigg for andrew
Last kiss: heh...last night?
Last good cry: hmm can't remember...maybe during the gippsland trip
Last movie seen: 50 first dates! (the soundtrack is fantastic! anyone who wants to soundtrack..ask me!)
Last beverage drank: some alcholic drink...
Last food consumed: fries from maccas
Last crush: wee?
Last phone call: jasmine (wasn't that pleasant..dun relaly like to tlk to this cousin)
Last tv showed: SURVIVOR...oh ee oh eh oh eh oh...
Last time showered: 5am
Last shoes worn: this cheap pair of slippers from kmart
Last Cd Played: this CD that graham compiled from charms' computer
Last item bought: bottle of juice
Last annoyance: aiyoh..i can't remember...
Last ice-cream eaten: ermzz.... i can't remember
Last time wanting to die: hmm...nil...
Last shirt worn: this baby blue NIKE shirt
Last website visit: janelle's website...hence i got this quiz..
renzi kissed and swore @
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Wednesday, April 21, 2004
had a sudden urge to write this...
dearest karen, i just thank God for you. For what you may ask? For the little things because little things do count. Thanks for supporting me. This is especially so when you know that i shouldn't do somethings, and i do it anyway. Thanks for bearing with my stubborn nature and speaking up when need be. Thanks for also not voicing out sometimes n letting me learn the hard way. I need it sometimes. Thanks for being my silent supporter and pillar of strength. Thanks for letting me know constantly that you'll be there for me. You really make me feel that distance doesn't matter a single bit. Thank you for allowing me to get to know you and thank you for taking the effort to know me. i love you and i can't wait for you to come over and visit me at the end of the year! Thank you my sunshine and hope we'll be friends till we die =)
renzi kissed and swore @
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wow...it's already 12.16! Man! Well ive just finished preparing for my activities meeting later and i've yet to edit my minutes. shall do that later. well this week has been a roller coaster ride for me, emotionally that is and i hate this feelings and fluctuations but i guess it's life sometimes. why does it always rain on me? hahah a pessimistic song i must say...
yesterday night i was alone and felt like walking...thank goodness jon msged me back and said he didn't mind taking a walk...so yeah...had another round of a great chat with him. jon's a great chap lah~ hope we can be friends for a long time. hahah
and well before that i went to the gym with sze min and charms. yes it's time to get my butt down to exercising. i've been procrastinating for too long...too long. actually just like a lot of matters but i'll push it aside first. more impt matters to settle...hahah my matters will be last. dunno why. jon chided me about this, about facing what i have and not pushing things aside, but i've been like that since young. i've been "trained" (sheesh i sound like a dog...or bitch! hahah) to just listen and not question....which brings me to my next point...
hmmm... i was in my first tutorial of the week yesterday and the group started talking about the government in australia etc. the locals were comparing the past and the present of the how the system was, and an indian girl talked about how the g'vnt was like in india. then i started to wonder... people from other countries talk about their govn't but do we? (we=sporeans). are we the passive ones and only recieving what we hear/see? do we accept what the media tells us? do we actually want what we want in spore or do we just think we know wat we want because the gvnt says so. it's a viscous cycle i feel and it's eating everyone up in spore. everyone jus wants to earn lotsa money and be happy that way but can we relaly be happy with jus money alone??
well that's for each individual to think about it eh...?
media...govt....do they work hand in hand?
culture and govt...does the govt play a big role in moulding such a kiasu, money-minded culture like ours?
hmm just ramblings...like usual.... *shrug*
(its 1226hrs)
renzi kissed and swore @
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photos from the camp... =)
peeps before the camp..
yummm....food....our first lunch together =)
hahah i decided to (some say) "terrorise" the little kid...cute eh?? =)
one team building game...
another team building game...very impressive performance by each individual....and of coruse by the whole gorup =)
the mummys read as the kids play among themselves...
and yet another team building game
and...*drum roll* the people under me....my activities portfolio!!! =)
my angel!!!
my mortal!!!
renzi kissed and swore @
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FWD EMAIL from Rencong
There was once this guy who is very much in love with
his girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of
paper cranes as a gift to his girl. Although, at that
time he was just a small fry in his company, his
future doesn't seem too bright, they were very happy
together. Until one day, his girl told him she was
going to Paris and will never come back. She also told
him that she cannot visualise any future for the both
of them, so they went their own ways there and then...
Heartbroken, the guy agreed. But when he regained his
confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his
body and mind just to make something out of himself.
Finally with all the hard work and the help of
friends, this guy had set up his own company ...
You never fail until you stop trying.
One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an
elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking
to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were
still drenched. It didn't take him long to realize
they were his
girl's parents. With a heart in getting back at them,
he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to
spot him in his luxury sedan.
He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same
anymore, he had his own company, car, condo, etc. He
made it! What he saw next confused him, the couple was
walking towards a cemetery, and so he got out of his
car and followed...and he saw his girl, a photograph
of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her
tombstone and he saw his paper cranes right beside
her...
Her parents saw him. He asked them why had this
happened. They explained, she did not leave for France
at all. She was ill with cancer. She had believed that
he will make it someday, but she did not want to be
his obstacle...
therefore she had chosen to leave him. Just because
someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have. She had
wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her,
because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her
again...he can take some of those back with him...Once
you have loved, you
will always love. For what's in your mind may escape
but what's in your heart will remain forever.
The guy just wept...The worst way to miss someone is
to be sitting rig ht beside her knowing you can't have
her, see her
or be with her ever again.........hope you
understand.
Find time to realize that there is one person who
mean so much to you, for you might wake up one morning
losing that
person who you thought meant nothing to you.
renzi kissed and swore @
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FWD EMAIL from kao mo (persis' mum)
A NUS graduate found himself difficult to get a job here. He
finally accepted the offer to work with Mandai Zoo."What to do? It's
better to work like this than earning nothing...", mumbling to himself.
So since that day, the IT grad started work acting as a monkey. He has to wear monkey suit and mask, chew nuts and eat bananas. He has to climb trees too and jump from one to another to attract visitors. The zoo has since then enjoyed tremendous business due to the increase in visitors.
Even SM Lee wanted to see the super 'smart' monkey in the world.
Unfortunately, one day when he was jumping from the trees. He fell down into a crocodile pool!"Oh my God....I'm dying... now". he thought, as a hungry looking crocodile swam steadily towards his direction. In the middle of his struggle, suddenly he heard a soft voice,
"Don't be afraid my friend... I'm from NTU".
renzi kissed and swore @
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Monday, April 19, 2004
hmm jus a quick entry before i meet alv...well...jus had a muiss meeting...and suddenly it just occured to me that i'm a fucking lousy activities officer. sigh... i dunno why also....during the meeting i was jus overwhelmed with a sense of hopelessness and helplessness...dunno why lah....like i had no sense of worth at all....
sigh
and if i do more thinking...i think....hmmm i'm jus a lousy girlfriend...(no one can deny that i'm sure) and a shitty friend to have...argh~ and i'm not fucking doing anything about it...amazing huh?
anyway time to go and meet alv ....jus wanted to let this out first....laterzzzzz (it's 7.32)
me going to byron's place for a nice dinner...hope i dun get disturbed...
renzi kissed and swore @
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hmmm...
welll....it's monday and i'm almost done with my assignments....am kinda copying stuff for one of my assignments...feel very guilty...but well it's a desperate attempt to keep me alive...esp when i hate stupid stats....why do ppl have to invent bloody stats...bleah jus need to pass this subject and i'mk happy..heheh
well kenneth is coming on thursday already...too fast....he says i sound like i'm not prepared...yeah man...i really am not prepared....i do admit i'm selfish saying this but i have my own life here i guess...with kenn coming over i feel restricted to do alot of things...hahah the radio is playing a song that reminds me of kenneth
anyway when he comes i wanna bring him to two places....this place where charms went for her retreat....next...hot air balloon....sze min asked already...so if all goes well...we're flying! hahahha =) anyway also interested in hot air balloon-ing?
stupid stupid my.monash. is down....i can't print out my bar-coded cover sheet...SHIT...how how??? shall do it later....sighhh
yesterday...hmm went for YUM CHA with allan and the HUMs -1 (no more CH =( ) and well it was quite a nice meal....den i came home to rush through one assignment...den i watched american idol with the the guys in no7....then had dinner with graham, drew, ivan, and jon (basically the inner core)...hahaha think those dudes really either treat me like i'm the wall or they treat me like a guy...hahah they're talking about things that well don't think they'll say this in front of a gal...hahaha oh well...i dun really care...dum dee dum
nothing much else happened...my life's boring...
hahahha
=)
time to finish up my noodles...den will have to go to school to set up the SAM booth...
sigh...
sighing for a lot of things...
ANYYYWAYYYY...time to eat!!!
(it's 11.17am)
renzi kissed and swore @
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Sunday, April 18, 2004
hmmm well well let's see what happened these few days...i noe on wednesday...something very embarrassing happened....hahahha i dun think i'm allowed to say it....i promised liaozz..but..hahahha well one thing to remember for life...hmmzz *sheepish grin*
then... i went for YUM CHA with a few of the muiss pps...
hmnmm on thurs i went for camp and i came back on saturday (yesterday)...die lah...got two assignments to hand up tomorrow...howww??? dieee
hahah anyway wiaitnf for byron to pick me up so we can go for a HUM outing...hehe jiew's back i think so whoo! =)
==
the camp...i am not too sure with the rest...but guess it was alright. =) i could see people bonding... (cos i broke up the cliques) and well they noticed that too...and well tot it was going to be a complete disaster on the first day when i arrived (because it was frigging small) but it turned out fine in the end. we had very little space so it forced everyone to communicate, talk and interact. we didn't have enought space to play anything so we went to the beach, which was good. =)
hmmm will talk about the campn proper soon....
lazy to write my blog these few days.....well dunno why....okok..time to go now...wheee!!
renzi kissed and swore @
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Wednesday, April 14, 2004
hmm it's a wednesday...tomorrow's our muiss team building camp...
well quite a bit of things happened these few days....too much to say...well should i start from saturday?
went out with ai yee on saturday. por por and yi-jiong were there too. I came home soonafter and i started preparing for the night
we had the muiss gathering. it was not a bad one i must say. i mean at least i see people interacting with others. and i guess i'm quite guilty for not doin so though. i think sometimes i feel quite exclusive with mmy choice of friends, which inevitably can show or can been seen by others....shall try not to do that so much.
right after that i went for owab(one week a bottle) at ivan's again. we drank quite a bit...played a few games. (esp among the gals...heheh) and well had to end up looking after drew....
okay then on sunday...i had a couple of drinks again at night.....er....saw a few ppl puking....4 to be exact...out of erm....7 ppl? hhahaha sheesh...
lazy to write the details.....still in drew's room..he's sick..i'd better stop now
renzi kissed and swore @
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Tuesday, April 13, 2004
hmm
not in any mood...it's 4.05am and i woke up to do work...
but someone jus called to tell me that someone else is not going for the meeting tomorrow. reason being he's pissed (ie drunk or close to it) seriously...so? so wat if you are drunk. if u already made the fucking apt or well agreed to then stick to it..
i really hope the person was jus pulling my leg..
i'm experiencing the worst of mood swings.
wonder whether anyone can help me with that...
renzi kissed and swore @
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Monday, April 12, 2004
we jus made our version of shep's pie and we're going to byron's place soon.
it's cold outside
and i don't feel like doing anything. i'm not in a socialising mood
is it jus me?
(for those who are worried for me..dun be because i think i'll snap out of it soon) i'm glad i've the week to do things... two assignments!!! argghh
haven't exactly compiled wat i need to do also....
two meetings to attend tomorrow)
sigh
i did something jus now and read something...and hmm puts me thinking evn more...
yes i do miss you guys but ... everything has changed... so much... ALOT in fact....
sucks eh?
am i afriad of committment??
bloody hell...i've got too many thoughts running around at the same time...not good...
i'm afriad....very afraid.... of soo many things/issues.. i'm very comfortable where i am now i dun wan things to change...i hate things to change sometimes...but it does....so why even try putting in the f-ing effort....
pessimistic thoughts...argh
ramblings once again...
don't force me to do anything...i'll do it if i want....same goes for telling...don't tell me to tell u because i'll do it unwillingly...
sometimes i think maybe i really should get another blog...i'm tired
==
i dunno wat's goin on in your head...but tell me seriously...
==
i dunno wat i'm talking about, but i do know some of wat i'm talking about...makes sense?????
==
its a wasted day today...
renzi kissed and swore @
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hmm...
i dunno myself sometimes.
i really dunno...
and why should people even say "it's so her" maybe...maybe not...
i seem like a lot of things to alot of people...but i'm not like tat...
i'm rattling...and rambling.
yeah but it's true...i have a lot of faces, some have seen the helpful, some have seen the bitchy...some think the world of me, some think i'm dirt...i really dunno what to think...i really dunno who i am now. i dun care also, and i don't intend to explore myself for now...why should i? everything doens't make much sense anyway...
been thinking about something's that bugging me for a while...to do or not to do...to hold on or not to hold on....to be nice or be a bitch...to bother or not to bother... i haven't been that confused for a long time...why?
(it's 5.34pm)
i jus wanna run away... i'm like that or am i not? confronting certain issues don't help anyway... so do we close one eye? or do we do our utmost to ensure that you've done your best? do we do things for the sake of doing things? do we??
fuck lah...
i have made a mental note to do a few things and i'm goin to ensure i'll try to stick to it... things like swearing...i dun wanna swear....i dun wanna do sooo many things any more....any moreeeeee...
renzi kissed and swore @
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Sunday, April 11, 2004
i'm feeling super lazy...i shall get some work done ....
anywayyy...
i'm hungry.... but i have no appetite...does tat make sense?haahhahah
hmmm anywayyyy..... me will wait for alvina to come over then i'll call byron
renzi kissed and swore @
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well i'm at no7 now...slept over....everyone slept over...was taking care of drew this time. last time it was jon now...yeah it's drew...man!~ in yesterday's party, most of the ppl were either damn high or pissed...hmm so yeah... we played some games again and hahah...well it was a good night...
pity i didn't say hi to charmaine when she came ....
pity i'm not a virgin to cigs anymore...haha well...hmm i did light a cig that's all...didn't exactly smoke....smoke or don't smoke still doesn't make any diff...
then again...nothing makes sense these days...
sigh...
(it's rambling today and it's 12.34pm...)
renzi kissed and swore @
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Saturday, April 10, 2004
i'm back at home....just got back from yvonne's place. drank about 4 drinks liaozz...me going to jon/drew/ivan's place...hope they don't make me drink that much...hahah
anyway had quite an okay day....
went out with por por, ai yee and 2nd uncle....and got my presents (ie money from ai yee n kao fu) and my phone...! whoo! i've got a new phone..yay!!!
ok time to go now....
(me has red streaks now!! heheh i helped my household dye / streak their hair....alvina helped me with mine..heheh)
it's 10.05pm
renzi kissed and swore @
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more photos (before i sleep) from today..er yesterday's gathering...
charms jon and myself...when jon + gang first arrived (stupid pigs all were late and they are our neighbours...)
me and my LENG ZAI hahahahah....like to call victor that.... =)
charms and drew...stupid drew spoilt the whole photo (then again..reminds me of me...hahahhahaha...charms look good here!!)
sigh alvina and myself were the sofiahs washing up and clearing most of the stuff...good day though =)
jus one drink!!! heheh
hmmm...still waiting for phtos from sharon then i'm ready to share photos with the world...
also waitin for photos from alvina from the trip...then i can share share liaozzz..heheheh
time to go....zzzz (4.38am)
renzi kissed and swore @
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i jus made a mental note that i should get back to sleeping regular hours and at the right time. my whole biological clock is warped...
i am back home again, in the comforts of my room. i finally can get to sit down and reflect but i don't really want to. one thing, i'm very tired (more mentally though) and second thing is i jus can't seem to be bothered. sometimes just pushing things aside is the best thing. after time, i tend to forget so that's good =)
anyway had quite a good chat with the inner core (jon, drew, ivan and graham) in no7 and we were jus lazing around, drinking wine and eating pow (MY GOODNESS....still eating..i've been bloody eating for the past few hours...picking on food bahhh). we chatted about schools in spore, the system, diff ppl coming from diff schools etc... hahah graham says i look like i'm from ac...NIA BOH? i dun really think so, and once again i don't care...
funny. when i say i don't care, do i really don't care or is it in me to make it seem like i don't care? do u u'stand what i jus said? well if u don't,.....seriously this time round, i don't give a toot...
(4.27am)
red faces, red marks on the faces and red smiles =)
renzi kissed and swore @
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i jus had a small discussion with alvina and we decided tt today was not bad...the guests, well most of them, had their hands full with something...the gals had our own fun..hehe and most of the guys were upstairs playing PS (as usual). and as we were lying down on danny's bed we dozed off (we didn't really think of being hosts any more because we were dead beat). finally woke up and took a shower. I'm going to keep this short and sweet (until jon comes back from his shower at least) because me wants to sleeeep...i've gotta wake up early because i need to meet my aunt at about 10... i'm going to see por por...
speaking of her, my family asks whether we should ask her to stay with us instead. well i thought about it and well it seems like a splendid idea because she's quite old and i'm worried for her. she's staying by herself at queensway and she has to climb 2 flightts of steps ............
cannot finish...drew is talkin to me now...
renzi kissed and swore @
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Friday, April 09, 2004
photos photos!!! hahah these were taken yesterday...
jon and meeee
jon carrying meee
me and charms!!
drew is scared!!
anyway jus had a gathering at my place...we had steamboat...baked pasta and chicken rice...i'm damn stuffed now..hahhaha =)
and well played a game with e gals...hehehe....the guys wanted to play badly with us but we didn't allow....ahahha for obvious reasons...hehehehe
okayy...time to brush my teeth n wait for my brownie.. =)
(it's 12.01am)
renzi kissed and swore @
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bahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! i didn't know stupid australia is one episode faster...BAH!!! i went to the website to check out the contestants and tried my luck (wanted to download songs)...BUT...noooooo.... i saw who got voted out....oh well....tat contestant...erm...well i knew that contestantant would be voted out next.. *grin* (vague enough??) anywayzz...since i'm there...might as well put up some photos of the finalist.... =)
she's one hot babe i tell you!!! *drool* i dun mind turning les for her man! hahahahhahah
that's my boy! heheheh so sooooo guai looking....i like his pure look...innocent...hehehe
he's soooooo adorable...and very popular among them americans...i can understand why..hahahahhaha he kinda reminds me of a scruffy teddy bear...hehehe sooo cuttteeeeee
she will definitely go far...she's another one who's very pop among the americans... =) and she can do well for anything....
WA LAOOO...she makes singing look effortless..wat's wrong with these ppl??
hahaha SMILEY FACE!!!
one of my favs but oh well....his vocals are not strong enough...heheh teddy bear!!
these are my favourites...hehehe =) but of course the best is.....jasmine trias...mAN!!!!!
for more info...photos etc....log on to AMERICAN IDOL3's official website!
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annyyywayyy i slept at 6 and woke up at 10...i faced the wall for a while and i gave up....sheesh....it's so ironic! when i wanna relax, i can't...and at the brink when i'm super stressed and can't afford sleep, i would be capable of sleepin for a longer time...
hmm wat did i do yesterday? after lecture...i went to the muiss lounge, settled some camp deetails with kee...then i went to grocery shop for today's steamboat...wah kaozz...bloody ex i tell yiou...*coughs blood* wah laoo....100 bucks for friggin little balls...
well after that we came home. i went over to no7 to upload photos...then i went to the halls for SAM's video nite....weijie was late...hahahah and he's another kan jiong spider...hmmmmm and i heard he wants to run for presidency...hmmmmmmmm....ermz.... dun think he's cut off to be ....er president... i shall keep the rest of the comments to myself...heheheh =) anyway,....quote of the day by weijie "why? MISS ME?" (in a low tone) hahahhahaha
after that danny, drew, jon, charms and myself went to ....ROKUNG (ARGGHHH!!) to eat...hahah had fish (YUMMM), charms' usual spinach dish, a chicken dish and.....sweet and sour pork....come to think about it....i haven't ate out for a long while....hahha =)
speaking of which...I"M HUNGRY!!!!! everyons' still sleeping....sigh
and yesterday was the first time i asked someone to piggy back me..heheh always had the impression that i'm too heavy for anyone to carry me...but yay! jon can!! heheheh i shall put up photos when i can later...hmm never dared ask kenneth because of his weak knees....oh well~~~ and hahah never requested anyone...of course...i can swept off my feat literally by a few ppl (but without my permission)......i still remember perseus doing that and throwing me into the bin (in the NTUC chalet...) hahahhah so embarrassing...
hmmm so after dinner i went over to charms' place to do some scanning... and after scanning the photos, graham was using charms computer to look for songs. so drew taught me how to massage....and charms was making funny noises...=p
(tt's why i'm quite scared to give her massages..hahahha)
well tat's it for yesterday....oh here are some photoss i took!!!
hahah i was tryin to fix something in my computer so...yeah...had to ask for jon's help....hehe
haha drew and myself....i had to force him to smile....hahaha
hahha jon, alv and ivan....check out alv's tightfitting PJs...hahahha she changed it already!
hahha i put this photo in jon's wallpaper...check out the name of the chocolate...STARBAR!!! hahahhahahahhaha
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hmmm i feel like logging onto ...erm...the survivor website.....should i should i not?? hahahha
double hmmm....hmmmmm.....how come everyone knows about the supposed housewarming/birthday thing???? wa mannn...i decided not to have any already...den ppl asked me about it....hmm anywayyy... we (alv and myself) ended up asking a fe more ppl now...hope we have enough food....
anyway time to finish up my essay..and welll do something else before the guys wake up...
(it's 11.42)
renzi kissed and swore @
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well well...i'm back in no7 and jus chatted with jon...drew's studying next door...man~ i love talkin to these two dudes... =) amyway i've this stupid bad bloaty feeling. sucks man!~ sigh guys won't normally get to experience this...bleah...or maybe it's just an overgeneralisation..
speaking of which...
should i overgeneralize and think that...
on-lookers can see more? is it true?
gals are the more emotional ones in a relationship?
if you're good at something, you're not good at another?
when i guy likes a gal, it's obvious and other guys can seeit? and vice versa?
sooo many questions to ask...
hmmm...
i finally found some of my photos ...check this out! this was taken last year...and hmm i had nice wavy hair..heheh =) maybe i should perm some waves...i like~~~
(it's 3.39am)
renzi kissed and swore @
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Thursday, April 08, 2004
okay..i'm giving myself 3 minutes to write a short entry...these few days have been pretty stressful for me. i was and actually am still worried for the first activity. hope everything turns out alright
am rushin on one of my assignment because i wanna get this done by today....the due date is tomorrow which is 'good friday' but nahhh.. too much of a hassle to get my ass to school, besides i'm too afriad that the uni may not be opened
speaking of which...stupid students keep messing with the alarm systems in uni. it's bloody irritating, esp when you have a booth set up. everyone is forced to evacuate the building (esp the canpus centre and menzies building) and it disrupts almost everyone. i'm not too sure about some but hey! it's getting more and more out of hand. i heard from may that the students even went to Building 73 and forced everyone out of level 2...sheesh one other thing, if this continues to happen, what happens if something really happens? when the alarm system is set off again, wouldn't the fire dept not bother because it's a case of boy crys wolf. AND it costs a hell lot each time they come down to the uni (like 2000??) sheesh
i'm just peeved
and stressed
and irritated... hasn't been the best of weeks.
talked to jon yesterday and i ended up tearing. well was thinking about my granz again.
but i dun think i wanna show it to everyone, because what's the point. i mean seriously i'd rather see ppl around me happy and contented. hahah guess i've changed my resolution again. i'm planning (after my birthday) to be nicer. i think i've been too bitchy. and i'll try not to bitch...(maybe only in my blog since it's kinda my journal)
i shall be politically correct...it's irritating but who gives a shit...seriously.
eeks...the photo didn't turn out well ....shall go and try look for the photo... again....i loaded into some part of yahoo and i can't find it! irritated!
okok...shit...i took too long to write this entry...shall stop liaozz...
anyway still thinking of whether i should go back to singapore during the holidays...howzzzzz??
(it's 9.57pm)
renzi kissed and swore @
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Tuesday, April 06, 2004
check out the girls' faces!
renzi kissed and swore @
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Monday, April 05, 2004
well well....another day has passed...and i haven't done my essay yet..argh!! okay...today i shall go over to sleep for a while before i do my work..hahah shit it's become a habit...but well if it works, wat the hell~ =)
anyywayy we had a couple of debates during the MUISS meeting, which is quite...good? and well our first activity is Go karting...hope everything goes well man..*crosses finger* sighh...hope we can get about 40 ppl to sign up....(and those who sign up are not all committee members)
right after my meeting, went to the library to borrow books for my essay....
then we went to coles to do some grocery shopping. we bought veges...alvina and myself have decided to go on a detox diet..vegesss...heheh too much alcohol in our system... =)
danny was very quiet...worried for him again...sigh
then we went home......took my laundry in (today was a good weather for laundry *griN*) and did some SAM stuff...and well waiting for dinner. drew offered to cook so yeah..heheh =) snacking on some grapes now...yummm
oh speaking of andrew...hahah there was this night when we were talking, he lit his candle and i turned to him and said "i don't understand why people use candles, such a waste of money" and he didn't say much....but guess wat? on the same day, he bought candles for my birthday !!! hahahah soooo funny....well if i'm writing a play here...there would be a dramatic irony here...hahahha
=)
me dun feel like eating already...
ok...shall look at some photos.... =) OH OH open another present! heheh sooo excited!!
(it's 9.30pm)
renzi kissed and swore @
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well it's back to another boring day.....i woke up and rushed through what i was supposed to for SAM...then i walked briskly to school without the banners and stuff.... josh wass there and he gave me that smile and said "hey how are u" sheesh... i mean...okay..yesterday i called him to ask him when he's free for table duty for sam. when he first picked up the phone, he said coldly "what do you want" so i CHOP CHOP quickly said "erm sorry to bother you but i need to know when you're free....yada yada...." then he said he's not free this week and he asked "anything else" so i said no and we put down the phone...very dismissive. after like 10 minutes he called and there was a change of tone. he started off by saying sweetly "hey how are you" ermsss....so noticing something oddly wrong, i asked "did you call the wrong person?" he said something to the extent... "noo...no really seriously how are u?" i was perplexed and before i could say anything..he said "oh my friend said i was being mean to you so i called back...." then immediately i told him he was and that he has just been very different lately....too lazy to elaborate...if you need someone to tell you to call, u might as well not call. don't waste my time and don't waste yours.
anyyyyywayyy.... i walked back home to collect the flags and banner and drew kindly sent me to school. when i got back, i passed them whatever i had with me then i rushed to lecture.
came into the MUISS lounge right after the lecture. i asked kirsten how the exam structure would be like. she said MCQ and short answer...ok lah...easy..hehehe i should be able to get at least a distiction for this soci subject...hmmm for media...hard to say...sighh..
when i went for lecture, jan asked why the banners were nt up..argghh!!!!!! those dudes! i walked back so that we can put up the f-king banners....basket...waste my time...
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hahahah there were quite a couple of people sent me greetings for my birthday..touched touched.... =)
hmmm linsey is here again...she's always MIA-ing...no comments...
ok..me going to go to talk to charms....laterssss.... (it's 4.37pm)
renzi kissed and swore @
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hmm back to civilisation....it's a monday morning and i've to get to school in about 15 minutes. (gotta set up the booth......)
having my lunch now...graham was kind enough to make indomee for me...if not dun tink i woiuld have lunch liaoz..hahah supposed to go detox this week because i had too much alcohol in the weekend *sheepish grin* but it was a good time nonetheless...shall set up another blog my trips...
=)
well i've gotta stupid essay due this week so guess less sleep for me again..i'm pretty much used to it...and hahah i'm actually more tired if i'm relaxing...wonder why...yawn...
shit...my stomach's churning....shittt...
i've got the FEELINGGGG hahahhahaha.... and if u've the feeling to pee, it's called the PEEling... =) heheh
ok...time to go to the toilet, brush my teeth again AND lug everything to school...sigh
(it's 11.48)
renzi kissed and swore @
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Thursday, April 01, 2004
well well..going to gippsland soon....i'm still in drew's place...hahaha jus uploaded the photos since the photos were loaded into jon's computer....anyway finnallyyy done with my report...can't go for the execs meeting and can't go for the MUOSS night market...sighh...oh well..
maybe it's good i'm going for a short trip because me need a break... =)
yesterday was a blur lah....at night...went to WONG KUM haha actually it's pacific house...had lobsters...erm...WONG KUM chicken....two vege dishes...yumm...we couldn't finish...right after that i went home...den sneaked to jon's place becaus i was dead tired....when i woke up..well someone woke me up, in front of me were the NEIGHBOURS...quite happy...and well kinda expected it...well we do this for anyone whose birthday approaches marrr...
anyway yeah...had a mini celebration and hmm kena-ed toothpaste ....hahah oh well
okok...time to go off...me tired...
(it's 3.44pm)
renzi kissed and swore @
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hey check this out! my photos from yestreday's saboh... =p and surprise...and feast... =)
CLICK HERE!
renzi kissed and swore @
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happy birhday renee!